you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
