What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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