so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
