at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
