She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Randomize
