Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
