I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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