I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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