Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Let the clothes fall where they may.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
