I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
