I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
