The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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