Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
