The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
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