Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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