just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
