Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize