Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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