Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
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