Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Randomize
