i don't like sucking hair
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
