I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize