Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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