A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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