I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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