Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
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