My hair reeks of homosexuality.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Randomize
