I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
