When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
