i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
