Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Randomize
