then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
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