I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
i drank out of a bidet.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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