I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Randomize
