Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
