And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
