Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize