He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i think i have herpe
just one?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
