didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
