I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
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