Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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