I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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