just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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