Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
