You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
