that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
