Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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