Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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