I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
