i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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