Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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