I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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