brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
