So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
