farters have to be the big spoon...
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
