your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
thus making me awesome and them whores
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
