problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
