she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
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