She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
