i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
