okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
