im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
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