i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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