I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
