I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
