I just pynch a tree in the face
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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