god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
