oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
